Are You Freaking Kidding Me?

Ok, so you know by now that life has literally been a spiraling whirlwind lately. In one of the videos in my Divorce Care class, they liken going through a divorce to being battered in the ocean. You literally just get your feet back under you and BAM! You get slammed by another wave. You finally come up for air (and sometimes barely) and BAM! You get slammed again. It is so true. I think I am starting to get my act together, starting exercising (yoga and boy do I have some funny stories to share), eating right, and getting my finances situated when BAM! I've got shingles.

I had several in a row (apparently how they grow) on my temple. After going to my primary, I had to go to an Ophthalmologist to make sure none were inside my eye - luckily no. Let me tell you, those suckers hurt and I am thankful I did not have a lot. When they were shooting with pain, it felt like I was being hit by a small amount of lightning, they really burned. The pain didn't last long, really only seconds, but would repeat dozens of times during the day. The worst part was the flu-like symptoms. Seriously, one day I wanted to just crawl into bed and never get up again. Problem is, being a single mom, that is not an option! I had all the symptoms except for the fever. I was told by one of the doctors it was kind of like a faux flu, faux my a$$! I am slowly on the mend and trying to get my house pulled back together. I am still very congested and I have NO energy but hope that will come back soon.

With that being said, I played a LOT on my iPad and of course my two favorite apps - Pinterest and Zillow. What really got me through those chills and aches was dreaming of a new home for the girls and myself (still nothing major happening with our house though). We would love to move back to Old NE, a wonderful part of St. Petersburg, Florida. Many of our friends live there and the homes are old (1920s), charming, and have such character. There are always people outside walking around, biking, you name it. It's near downtown and the water and just has the most wonderful feel.

Just a sample of a few Old NE homes  -
what's not to love?

So while we were slowly converting our current house into a Mediterranean-feel (still had a long way to go), for our new house, I want to go in an opposite direction. Slightly more feminine with soothing neutral tones with a mix of traditional, natural colors (Doesn't that sound fancy? And to think I just made it up - yes, I am still on drugs and not on wine!).

Color LOVE -

Seriously, I am jonseing about decorating a new house and having heart palpitations just thinking about it. The girls and I really need a calm, relaxing home to call our own. We still live in the house we used to live in as a family for the last 10 years, and it is hard for all of us to move on while doing so.

I can't wait to share more of my vision with you all, but that is for another post!

Rebooting the Ravn. . .

Ok, as you know, my life has been turned upside down the past couple of months. The girls and I have been reeling from my husband, their dad, leaving during a full-fledged mid-life crisis. I have gone to therapy (they went only once, they did not enjoy it; I found laying on a couch telling someone my woes to be quiet relaxing and helpful; just needed a glass of wine and some nachos and I might have never gotten off that couch!). I joined Divorce Care, a Christian-based support group. I have had countless breakfasts, lunches, dinners, and happy hours with friends. I have reconnected with high school and college friends. I have commiserated with friends through the fence at a soccer game. I have texted my family and had marathon phone calls at all hours of the night. I have gone through ludicrous amounts of wine (recycling bin is overflowing!). I have blogged. I have journaled. I have met with a great attorney. And do you want to know the best part about it? It all has helped! Every. Single. Bit. Of. It! I have all of you to be thankful for and really, really appreciative all of your support! Every last ounce of it.

With that being said, I actually got my first GOOD night of sleep last night. I even had a dream, can't remember it but I think it was a good one too. I woke up happy. In the past, I have actually woken up crying. Not a great way to start the day. I have also noticed my crying has lessened. It's not gone completely but definitely easing up (thank God too because soft Kleenex are not cheap!).

My girls seem to be in a good place, too. They are not really interested in spending any time with their dad but will go stay with him for the occasional night. Hopefully he will be patient with them and allow for them to continue to heal and get over the betrayal and hurt they are also feeling.

Now I am going to start focusing on myself and I have declared this project "Rebooting the Ravn!" Ravn is my maiden name and I like the alliteration. Plus, kind of not liking my married name right now for obvious reasons.

So far, I have started flossing again (hate having to do it with permanent retainers on the top and bottom but it can add 6.4 years to your life per Dr. Rozien, easy no brainer), I got my hair colored darker (slightly new look for me) and I am starting a diet.

I know, DIET really is a 4-letter word and it is something I have failed miserably at for the past 16 years (I gained weight while pregnant with my 15-old and still haven't lost it!). I know my family, and probably most of my friends, are sick of hearing me talk about weight loss. I am too. It's something I think about every single day, especially as I am eating a Cuban sandwich with Doritos! I have tried Weight Watchers more times than I can honestly remember. I have lost weight on a no carb diet only to regain it once I looked at a dinner roll again (this girl is NEVER going to be carb free again!). I have joined gyms, hired a trainer, walked hundreds of miles. The problem is, I just don't think I have ever had the deep down, inner passion or desire to do it. I always thought I would deal with it eventually. If I cut back a little here, used smaller plates every meal, did this or that, the weight would melt off. Let me tell you - not freaking true.

Let me tell you, nothing will give you the desire again to lose weight than to realize that after 20 years off the market, I will have to start dating again (at some time in the very, very, very far future)! So wish me well as I start to turn a major corner in my life and I will leave you with some words I read on Facebook and they just spoke to me!

Thanks www.herquotes.com!
It's perfect for me!

I will be sure to share my ups and downs with you but that is for another post!

It's Fall Y'All!

Ok, first, let me say a BIG THANK YOU to all my friends who reached out to me following my last blog post. I cannot even begin to tell you all how much it meant to me. This really is a hard, scary, heart-breaking, tragic, confusing, crappy time in my life, not to mention my girls. We all are struggling with the process. I am still crying everyday (except for one day the beginning of the month - not sure what happened there), eating (way too much!), and downright struggling with the reality and finality of everything. I have decided, the best way to get my new, little family through all this, is to try to keep to traditions and routines we all know and love.

That being said, Fall came to Seabreeze Dr a couple of weeks ago. Now, since our house is on the market, I chose to hold back (I know, hard for me, right??) and just put up a few touches here and there.

I love these glittery leaves I picked up at Hobby Lobby
in Ocala a couple of years ago.
I think they add a little something special to
 the chandelier. 

The girls and I are going to Asheville (with some other family members) the end of October, a trip we used to make as a family. It will be bittersweet but we are really looking forward to getting away for a few days, breathing in some cold air, looking at the gorgeous leaves, getting lost in a corn maze, and just taking our mind off of all the chaos in our lives (plus, Brevard, NC, has a restaurant that makes wicked good Grilled Pimento Cheese sandwiches and Asheville is known for their craft beers - win, win!). 

So I hope you like my little touch of Fall in the South. Switching to Halloween real soon but that will be for another post!

Getting Back Into Routine . . .

Ok, I am back. It's been a long time since I have written a post and to be quite honest, I have really missed the writing portion of blogging. Now why was I gone for the last 7 weeks, you ask? Well, if I was a guy, I would say life kicked me in the nuts. Being a "more mature" woman, perhaps I could sum it up best and say life kicked me in my super deflated, hanging in my Southern Hemisphere, need a crane to life them up boobs! Too much? Sorry!

To be honest, everything I knew and thought that was true, was taken away from me. My hubby of 17 years (and best friend for almost 20), came home after a week-long vacation without his family, and told me he didn't want to be married anymore and that he was moving out and on. I am a big girl, and you could have honestly knocked me over with a feather. I NEVER expected that. My heart, my future, my family, everything I had worked for in the last 20 years, was taken from me and I had absolutely NO SAY in it whatsoever. For those who know me, not having a say has never been an issue of mine! Now there is a lot more to this story but in the spirit of self-preservation and for the sake of my girls, this is all I am going to say about this right now. If you are a friend of mine and want more "scoop", please don't hesitate to call me. I am leaning heavily on my friends and family right now and I thank God for them everyday. I have also started seeing a family counselor at our church (girls are going with me next time) and joined a Divorce Support Group. Both are very cathartic and will help me move forward.

With all this being said, there are some other major changes going on in our lives right now. I know seriously, what else could be happening? Well, we are selling our house and the girls and I will be looking for a new pad to call home. I have to say, with all the time, energy and money I have put into this house, it sure does look good - for someone else.

So here's the listing so you can see how pretty it looks (professional photos totally make a difference!).

Here's a few of the photos  -

So, when the highlight of your summer is an emergency appendectomy (ahhhh yes, that happened too, I will definitely blog about that later because that story is so freaking funny, you will pop a stitch!), you can honestly say your summer sucked. As the girls and I say Worst. Summer. Ever. But now I have a clean, pretty house and will begin a house hunt very soon. I LOVE looking at houses so super excited about that part.

I will keep you filled in on what is going on in my life, the highs and the lows, as well as share our house search and making that house into a home. We have a lot to be thankful for, a lot to look forward to, and a lot of pain to heal. We will get there, just the three of us (not sure if we are more like the Three Stooges or the Three Amigos, only time will tell?!?!).

Much, much, much more to come, but that is for another post!