Rebooting the Ravn. . .

Ok, as you know, my life has been turned upside down the past couple of months. The girls and I have been reeling from my husband, their dad, leaving during a full-fledged mid-life crisis. I have gone to therapy (they went only once, they did not enjoy it; I found laying on a couch telling someone my woes to be quiet relaxing and helpful; just needed a glass of wine and some nachos and I might have never gotten off that couch!). I joined Divorce Care, a Christian-based support group. I have had countless breakfasts, lunches, dinners, and happy hours with friends. I have reconnected with high school and college friends. I have commiserated with friends through the fence at a soccer game. I have texted my family and had marathon phone calls at all hours of the night. I have gone through ludicrous amounts of wine (recycling bin is overflowing!). I have blogged. I have journaled. I have met with a great attorney. And do you want to know the best part about it? It all has helped! Every. Single. Bit. Of. It! I have all of you to be thankful for and really, really appreciative all of your support! Every last ounce of it.

With that being said, I actually got my first GOOD night of sleep last night. I even had a dream, can't remember it but I think it was a good one too. I woke up happy. In the past, I have actually woken up crying. Not a great way to start the day. I have also noticed my crying has lessened. It's not gone completely but definitely easing up (thank God too because soft Kleenex are not cheap!).

My girls seem to be in a good place, too. They are not really interested in spending any time with their dad but will go stay with him for the occasional night. Hopefully he will be patient with them and allow for them to continue to heal and get over the betrayal and hurt they are also feeling.

Now I am going to start focusing on myself and I have declared this project "Rebooting the Ravn!" Ravn is my maiden name and I like the alliteration. Plus, kind of not liking my married name right now for obvious reasons.

So far, I have started flossing again (hate having to do it with permanent retainers on the top and bottom but it can add 6.4 years to your life per Dr. Rozien, easy no brainer), I got my hair colored darker (slightly new look for me) and I am starting a diet.

I know, DIET really is a 4-letter word and it is something I have failed miserably at for the past 16 years (I gained weight while pregnant with my 15-old and still haven't lost it!). I know my family, and probably most of my friends, are sick of hearing me talk about weight loss. I am too. It's something I think about every single day, especially as I am eating a Cuban sandwich with Doritos! I have tried Weight Watchers more times than I can honestly remember. I have lost weight on a no carb diet only to regain it once I looked at a dinner roll again (this girl is NEVER going to be carb free again!). I have joined gyms, hired a trainer, walked hundreds of miles. The problem is, I just don't think I have ever had the deep down, inner passion or desire to do it. I always thought I would deal with it eventually. If I cut back a little here, used smaller plates every meal, did this or that, the weight would melt off. Let me tell you - not freaking true.

Let me tell you, nothing will give you the desire again to lose weight than to realize that after 20 years off the market, I will have to start dating again (at some time in the very, very, very far future)! So wish me well as I start to turn a major corner in my life and I will leave you with some words I read on Facebook and they just spoke to me!

Thanks www.herquotes.com!
It's perfect for me!

I will be sure to share my ups and downs with you but that is for another post!

Walking With the Oldies . . .

My oldest daughter is on the dance team of her high school. They had a competition a couple weeks ago and I ended up driving one of her teammates and her mom. The mom and I hit it off and she asked me if I wanted to walk in the mall with her two mornings a week. Finally getting my energy back, I said ok.

Now I used to work at Dillard's and remember watching the older people walking in the mall and thought, good for them but get out of my way because I need a super-large orange muffin and a hot chocolate at Barnies. I do miss those muffins, Barnies, not so much!

I head straight to the mall after taking my youngest to school so I have about 20 minutes before it opens to the walkers. Now, I walk around the parking lot and get an extra mile in before meeting my friend but for the first time, I take a seat on the bench outside one of the entrances. I decide to do some stretches since I have not truly done any exercise for the past six months because of my neck injury and then the hysterectomy. I am stretching, thinking I must be close to touching my toes, if I could just see them! A 70ish-year-old man walks by and tells me "looking good". I want to laugh but I am too busy trying to gracefully get out of the squat I am in without having a "mommy accident" (all moms will know exactly what I mean here!). I then hear talking coming from inside the mall and * hand now on my heart * a foursome of mall walkers, with walkers (no kidding here) go hustling by. Game on.

I am going to get in that mall (eventually) and show them who is Queen of Walking the Mall! My friend arrives, our door is eventually unlocked (Sidebar: I did get the mall walking scoop because I am now in the "in-crowd" and am one of them, Food Court doors open at 8:45 a.m.), and we are off. We manage, after some time I must admit, to catch up the "walker posse" (as I now refer to them) and leave them in our mall dust. Man, sadly that felt good, lapping a group of Septuagenarians ( people in their 70s, I totally had to look that up even though I have been feeling really smart since killing it on Teen Jeopardy the other day!).

As we are walking, I notice a couple in their 60s who are booking it. Before I know it, that couple is wishing us well as they leave us to eat their dust! We always skip the Food Court in our loops because it is loud, hot and crowded, so this woman and her husband head towards the Food Court so now we are back ahead (but not really!) and before we pass Forever 21, she passes us again (are you freaking kidding me! She even left her husband, but that I totally understand because none of us need a man slowing us down!!) As she passed us for the second time, and again wished me a good day, I told her I wanted to be her when I grow up - a lean, mean mall walking machine (maybe that have a shirt for that??).

We add enough loops in our walk that it comes in at two miles, plus the one mile I walk outside the mall waiting for my friend, and it's a good start to the day, even though I was lapped by Grandma (guess I am not the Queen of Mall Walking, maybe a Duchess?). Now it's time to reward myself and I head to Auntie Anne's. No way is Grandma going to beat me there! More walking adventures to come, but that is for another post!