Ok, as you know, my life has been turned upside down the past couple of months. The girls and I have been reeling from my husband, their dad, leaving during a full-fledged mid-life crisis. I have gone to therapy (they went only once, they did not enjoy it; I found laying on a couch telling someone my woes to be quiet relaxing and helpful; just needed a glass of wine and some nachos and I might have never gotten off that couch!). I joined Divorce Care, a Christian-based support group. I have had countless breakfasts, lunches, dinners, and happy hours with friends. I have reconnected with high school and college friends. I have commiserated with friends through the fence at a soccer game. I have texted my family and had marathon phone calls at all hours of the night. I have gone through ludicrous amounts of wine (recycling bin is overflowing!). I have blogged. I have journaled. I have met with a great attorney. And do you want to know the best part about it? It all has helped! Every. Single. Bit. Of. It! I have all of you to be thankful for and really, really appreciative all of your support! Every last ounce of it.
With that being said, I actually got my first GOOD night of sleep last night. I even had a dream, can't remember it but I think it was a good one too. I woke up happy. In the past, I have actually woken up crying. Not a great way to start the day. I have also noticed my crying has lessened. It's not gone completely but definitely easing up (thank God too because soft Kleenex are not cheap!).
My girls seem to be in a good place, too. They are not really interested in spending any time with their dad but will go stay with him for the occasional night. Hopefully he will be patient with them and allow for them to continue to heal and get over the betrayal and hurt they are also feeling.
Now I am going to start focusing on myself and I have declared this project "Rebooting the Ravn!" Ravn is my maiden name and I like the alliteration. Plus, kind of not liking my married name right now for obvious reasons.
So far, I have started flossing again (hate having to do it with permanent retainers on the top and bottom but it can add 6.4 years to your life per Dr. Rozien, easy no brainer), I got my hair colored darker (slightly new look for me) and I am starting a diet.
I know, DIET really is a 4-letter word and it is something I have failed miserably at for the past 16 years (I gained weight while pregnant with my 15-old and still haven't lost it!). I know my family, and probably most of my friends, are sick of hearing me talk about weight loss. I am too. It's something I think about every single day, especially as I am eating a Cuban sandwich with Doritos! I have tried Weight Watchers more times than I can honestly remember. I have lost weight on a no carb diet only to regain it once I looked at a dinner roll again (this girl is NEVER going to be carb free again!). I have joined gyms, hired a trainer, walked hundreds of miles. The problem is, I just don't think I have ever had the deep down, inner passion or desire to do it. I always thought I would deal with it eventually. If I cut back a little here, used smaller plates every meal, did this or that, the weight would melt off. Let me tell you - not freaking true.
Let me tell you, nothing will give you the desire again to lose weight than to realize that after 20 years off the market, I will have to start dating again (at some time in the very, very, very far future)! So wish me well as I start to turn a major corner in my life and I will leave you with some words I read on Facebook and they just spoke to me!
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| Thanks www.herquotes.com! It's perfect for me! |
